Start Smoking to Stay Skinny?

Today I had a revelation.

I was sitting at work, knee deep in some complicated reporting, when I suddenly felt so hungry. It was one of those moments where you just want to drop everything you are doing and eat. Now.

I considered my options: I brought an apple and some carrots from home. I have oatmeal I keep in my desk- plain and organic that I sweeten with Stevia. I have coconut milk yogurt and Odwalla Superfood in the fridge. All things that I love and enjoy on a regular basis. But this was not going to do it for me.

Despite these options, I had this insane urge to walk down to the vending machine and get something else. Something chocolatey and gooey. Or carby. Or salty and crunchy and cheesy. Anything not healthy.

I avoided this walk and instead had my apple with some Odwalla and tea, and as I sipped considered how if I had walked down to the vending machine, I would have eaten something nasty, felt like crap, and then ate the apple, tea and juice anyways.

I NEVER used to eat like this. Never used to have these insane junk food cravings. Food was food. I enjoyed it when I was hungry, but now it has become my focus. Over the past year and a half, and despite my overall healthy eating habits, I have become one of those diet obsessed, food obsessed people. I exercise regularily. Yet I have packed on 30 pounds.

And then it hit me. Such an obvious revelation that I felt immediately "special" for not realizing it sooner. A year and a half ago, I quit smoking. Cold turkey. Not even a single cheat since my quit date.

I have felt great about not smoking...but I am getting chubby! None of my clothes are fitting me anymore. I want to eat all the time. I don't feel like myself.

I found myself wondering, should I start smoking again? Just long enough to lose the weight?

What????? Is being skinny that important????

Although having an easy out is tempting for me, I think I will take this knowledge gained from my revelation and instead cut down the hand to mouth time (that would be the time spent stuffing my face.) and instead focus on being healthy and eating the right amount of food. If I can quit smoking, I can control my eating...right? If you have had this experience, please share your story with me! I will also post my updates here as well...as I begin the journey to quit overeating.